When you keep telling yourself you’re ‘Not good enough’
For a very long time, I have always been my worst critic.
As a child, I was desperate to play football instead of netball. Whilst at the time, it was quite unusual for a girl to join the team, I was accepted and gladly wore my school kit despite it coming down to my knees. I tried hard to keep up with the boys, but our skill levels were so far apart. My miniscule legs couldn’t run fast enough, and I just couldn’t seem to grasp the technicality and control that was needed. When I didn’t get picked for the inter-schools tournament at the end of the season , I told myself that I wasn’t good enough to ever be a part of a football team again.
As a teenager, (we know what a difficult age that can be) I told myself that I wasn’t ‘cool’ enough, and in a bid to gain popularity I wore clothes that I didn’t particularly like, hung round with ‘the cool kids’ and distanced myself from old friends. I let certain people walk all over me to gain their acceptance, and had a disregard for my own real happiness. Whilst I was very lucky to have hung onto a few life long pals who indeed accepted me for who I was, I still told myself that I wasn’t good enough.
As a Manager, I told myself that I needed to work harder, that I must do more for my team. I allowed my work life balance to become non-existent as I slaved away on days off and late nights, constantly trying to improve my performance, never letting positive feedback sink in, but instead taking the few constructive comments to heart and telling myself that I wasn’t good enough.
As a Mother, I told myself that I was doing a terrible job, that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and that I didn’t deserve to have a child. It wasn’t fair that so many of my friends and family had suffered with fertility problems or infant loss and there I was almost seeming ungrateful, I told myself that I was a horrible person for having these thoughts and that I just wasn’t good enough.
Despite my negative opinions, I have always had positive influences and role models in my life, but I always found it hard to accept the affirmative comments, the high fives, the pats on the back, the compliments, through believing myself to be undeserving.
After challenging my mindset, my mental health and my well being, I view life in a new perspective. It became clear that the reason I was always unable to accept the positive feedback, was because I never had those type of thoughts about myself, and the age old saying ‘Love yourself as much as you want to be loved’ certainly rings true.
When my mind wanders back to the above scenario’s, Using a positive mindset, I now remember being cheered on by my friend’s dad on the sidelines as I made my first header, and how proud I was! I recall one of my best friends meeting me at the park to teach me how to ‘toe punt’ and ‘volley’ to broaden my skills. He never once ridiculed me or made me feel inferior.
I remember my teenage years, not only full of tears, but brimming with laughter. Our summers spent at the Lido, and each other’s infamous house parties! Later drinking blue WKD and acting as if it was the strongest form of alcohol known to man! (When in reality we were still stone cold sober!)
As a Manager, I have been lucky enough to have truly loved my Jobs, and I think back to the stand out moments when I was able to help someone along in their career, or give somebody a boost. When a team member viewed me as a confidante, someone whom they could trust and rely on. The beautiful words written in my leaving cards.
And now as a mother, the look of pure love and joy in my sons eyes, when we play or cuddle or simply sing nursery rhymes to our hearts content. I remember the battle that I faced with Post Natal depression… and now I am PROUD of the woman that I have become.
The importance of this for me, is that all of my life, I have tried to be kind and compassionate towards others, to compliment people, and make them feel good…… BUT this feels so much better when you are also able to do the same for yourself!!
So if you are reading this now, and can relate in any way, I hope that these positive affirmations can show you how awesome you truly are!
So when you compliment the lady at the shops on her lovely nails, or beautiful hair, or fantastic smile… don’t forget to look into the mirror and tell yourself the same!
Shy = Curious, pensive.
Loner= Enjoys own company, special friends are waiting for you later in life
Lacking skills= What you may lack in one area, you will make up for in abundance in another, maybe you haven’t yet discovered your best talent!
Lazy= waiting for motivation, you can get there
1 or 2 Friend(s)= You are a cheerleader, therapist, supporter and source of love to however many friends you have. It’s about the quality not the quantity. Cherish it.
Mother= Warrior, creator, negotiator, problem solver, multi-tasker, life giver…
Anxious= Strong, battling, thoughtful and later to feel more confident that ever, your time will come!
I could go on all day, as I’m just so passionate about us supporting each other and ourselves, one by one, and by sharing a smile, we can make the world a happier place 🙂