A letter to myself… when I was unwell, when anxiety consumed me. Letting me know, that it wont last forever.
Dear Anxious Me…
What If I was to tell you that you wouldn’t always feel this way? That in a few months from now, you won’t be totally consumed in your thoughts, drowning or hyperventilating on a daily basis.
I know right now that things seem really hard, some days the anxiety pops out of no-where, a whirlwind of intrusive thoughts, and worst case scenario’s whizzing around at 100 mph. I know that you imagine yourself or your baby getting seriously injured at every opportunity or you worry that everyone is going to judge the way you parent your child,or that something is bound to go wrong. I understand.
What if I was to tell you that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, would you believe me?
I know that at times, you struggle to breathe, each sharp intake of breath crushes your chest. It’s like a ten tonne truck has parked up on your rib cage and just wont move. Standing alone in the shower, you sob silently, willing yourself to ‘be stronger’, hoping that these feelings will pass. What if I told you that this won’t happen forever?
You spend your days feeling lonely and isolated, in even the most crowded room. Your body shakes involuntarily, and you feel like you might fall at any given moment. I understand.
Stay strong anxious Me… You do have the strength to get better. Each waking day from now, is another day closer to your recovery. Another step towards happiness. You’re going to find the support you need, at times, you might not think it necessary…. but please persevere. What if I was to tell you that you’re braver than you know?
You’re going to push your boundaries, as you rediscover your strengths. The support network around you will grow and you will become more comfortable in your surroundings. Others will understand.
The journey ahead is rocky, but I want you to know that this cloud does have a silver lining. That the light at the end of this tunnel will shine so brightly, you will radiate with pride as you battle your demons and bear your soul.
What If I was to tell you that you will be able to manage your anxiety and spot your triggers before the panic attack takes hold… would you believe me?
Dear Anxious me… the strongest people must face the toughest battles. You will reign triumphant, I can tell you that you WILL be happy, and that your illness will not govern you. Today as you seek support, and find the help you need… know that you will not always feel this way.