How my Maternal Mental Health impacted on my relationships. An open letter….
I’m sorry that I disappeared for a while, I hid myself away. I know you thought I was being rude, my mind was just in disarray.
You tried inviting me out for your Birthday, but excuses came and went. I kept saying ‘Yeah I’ll be there…’ But we both knew what that meant.
You offered to come and bath my son, or watch him so I could rest, But I didn’t think you really wanted to do it, It would be too much of a test.
I longed to have some freedom, some nights out with my friends. But instead I was at home with a nocturnal child, wondering when it would all end.
I know you tried to message me, and call me on the phone. I told myself I would reply later, but suddenly the day was gone.
A mountain of bottles and nappies, a house that needed to be cleaned. I felt so distant from my former life, I missed my old team.
At times you would get hold of me, and listen to my complaints. But through fear of sounding ungrateful, I would implement self restraint.
I wanted to be there for you fully, someone on whom you could depend. But my head was all over the place, and I felt like a rubbish friend.
I appreciate you sticking around, and staying by my side. Many others left me, and I let them , thanks to my stubborn pride.
The dark clouds finally lifted, and you had waited there for me. Our friendship now restored, sharing happiness and glee.
I apologised to you frequently, over and over at times, But you hugged me tight and said ‘Emma, don’t you worry, We’re fine.’